Downtime

The ultimate fall a person can experience is a final form of acceptance after a long process of deliberate denial. Often times, it has been said that all downfalls only lead to greater things when one decides to pick him/herself up to try again. That is however, not a concept that can be generalized for each mistake made or unfortunate/unpredictable string of events that occur. True enough, hitting the bottom rock or the lowest point, there is only one other way. UP. Regardless how many times you hear the phrase, it becomes a question of whether this is the worst, the bottom. 

How you get up is another story. After constant streaks of mood swings, outbursts of anger, one too many nights intoxicated, there comes a time when it all becomes too much to handle. A craving for inner peace, hope and a refreshing of inner strength. While many look to familiar faces to find these things, other look to  find a spiritual belonging, crying out to a God they never wanted to believe existed before this feeling of desperation. There never is a straightforward answer but acceptance itself I would say is a form of healing. 

In the most unusual and crude manner, I was recently reminded of how I am still hiding behind sheets of insecurities and a painful past. After all this time, I still try to believe that I can swallow the pain and my pride along with it. Without realizing, I bring upon myself sleepless nights and a dive in my self-esteem and ego. The final let down, a night out ending in emotional trauma, breaking down every ounce of strength I needed to get through my days. 

Still, I would like to believe in humanity and kindness. Somewhere the weak find refuge in people. 

Each day is another chance to feel renewed and to change what can be changed instead of crying over the ones we can't. There is so much, in fact too much that defines life and while we can choose to let each day live for itself, there are many people already defying boundaries, making names for themselves, exploring, creating and doing what brings meaning to their lives. Cry if it makes you feel better but know also that one day you will wake up knowing the worst part is over. 

Everyone needs to stop once in awhile, reboot their system, move on, become better, upgrade and become worthy of what is deemed of them.  

I believe in you.